With over 4,000 screenings at over 3,000 locations, Mars Needs Moms may go down as one of the biggest flops in mainstream movie history. I’m sure films like Gigli are breathing a long sigh of relief, but this does little to make us forget about the epic failures on the big screen in years past. As a matter of fact, lets take a look at some of the more momentous flops in cinematic history:
1. Gigli (2003)
You can’t really start a discussion about the biggest box office failures without mentioning one of the more well publicized flops, Gigli. The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez film seemed destined to pull in tabloid hungry fans itching to see more of the couple. Unfortunately, audiences had seen too much of the couple in magazines, on television and on the internet. By the time Gigli hit theaters, most people had already had enough of them sucking face in front of a camera. Add in some bad acting, lame one liners and awkward sexuality between a real life couple and you get a film that couldn’t pull in 4 million in its opening weekend. The epic celluloid failure not only failed to make back more than a minor fraction of its 54 million dollar budget, but it also had the distinction of seeing the largest second week drop off in cinema history. The film’s 82% drop is the furthest any film has fallen since the statistic has been recorded. Maybe the film’s only saving grace comes from Christopher Walken who plays a snoopy detective. It may be a combination of Walken’s awesomeness or just the fact that every one of his lines seemed improvised, but anytime he’s on screen the film is instantly lifted from the dumps. Unfortunately, he isn’t in the film enough to make it completely watchable. Just youtube his clips if you’re really all that interested.
2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
Any teenage video game nerd of the late 90’s knows about the Final Fantasy craze. Considered by many fans to be the greatest video game series of all time, no one could deny the epic roll that SquareSoft was on after the release of Final Fantasy VII. Since they pioneered new ways of showing expressive cinematic vision through a video game platform, an equal step into the film world seemed guaranteed. So when 2001’s Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within finally landed in theaters it’s hard not to blame the creators for thinking that they could conquer the video game movie stigma. Unfortunately they were in for a rude awakening. The film’s budget had ballooned to nearly 137 million, roughly 67 million more than what had initially been budgeted. It took over 200 designers and over four years of work to bring one of the most impressive animated films to life. Directed by Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi, it seemed that they had avoided every pothole that diverted films like Super Mario Bros. and Double Dragon. Unfortunately, jaw-dropping animation wasn’t enough to cover up its rather thin sci-fi story. The film only made 32 million in the United States and an additional 53 million around the world. This meant that certain key Asian markets not only didn’t buy into the hype, but stood away from it at all costs. This probably had to do with Sakaguchi’s decision to make the film in English. While this film isn’t on the list for the same reasons as Gigli, money still talks and Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within didn’t bring any of it home. In fact, it placed the eventual merger deal between SquareSoft and Enix in jeopardy due to the insane amount of money SquareSoft lost following the film’s release. Eventually, things worked out and now SquareEnix knows where its audiences is. We look forward to the next Final Fantasy game and not the next movie.
3. The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
The signs of the fall of Eddie Murphy in the comedy world came much sooner but it was never more apparent than in 2002 with the release of The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Eddie’s career was taking a sharp turn toward the family market, however many of the fans that came to love him for his work in raunchy and inappropriate comedies were left out in the cold. This sci-fi comedy saw Eddie Murphy play a futuristic nightclub owner who investigates the mysterious destruction of his nightclub. The easier mystery to solve was why audiences didn’t gravitate toward this epic flop. Eddie Murphy was known for his indecent roles and sometimes racially charged comedy. This being one of his first cartoonish PG-13 forays, it’s easy to see why families kept their children away. This wasn’t the lovable doctor talking to animals or Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. While your average box office bomb is painful to watch, The Adventures of Pluto Nash was particularly rough on the check book. With a budget of well over 100 million, it pulled in a dismal 7 million worldwide! While DVD distribution helped somewhat, its hard to believe that a film starring such an iconic figure can do so poorly. Perhaps there was some social reason for this. Unfortunately, no one may ever know since this film seems to have a contagious disease that keeps people from watching it.
4. Heaven’s Gate (1980)
This film should have two titles Heaven’s Gate or The Death of Independent Cinema. Which ever you choose, it’s undeniable that this film changed the course of cinematic history. The late 60’s and 70’s saw film directors being given boundless freedom and experiencing unparalleled success. Films like The Godfather and Chinese Connection were proving that art was profitable in the United States. That was all undone with one blow from Michael Cimino. Heaven’s Gate premiered with a running time of over 4 hours! That included an intermission of course. Normally length is not an issue in cinema. We’ve seen wildly successful films such as Lord of the Rings, Titanic, and Saving Private Ryan that all surpassed the usual 2 hour mark. However, audience reception to the film was best expressed on its opening night. Cimino stood in the theater during the intermission wondering why no one was drinking their champagne. To his dismay, a poor soul was brave enough to tell him, “Because they hate the movie, Michael.” At the end of the day, the film only grossed 3 million dollars after a 44 million dollar investment. While reception to the film has lightened up somewhat, its effect on the industry has left a permanent mark. The outcry against the film eventually led to Transamerica Corporation, the corporate owner of United Artists, to sell the company to MGM. United Artists was then disbanded. At the time of its disbanding, United Artists had produced films such as Rocky, Pink Panther, and the James Bond franchise. This coupled with the failure of films like Sorcerer and One From the Heart led to a heavy studio involvement in the creative process. A power that may never be returned to the artists… thanks, Michael.
5. Cutthroat Island (1995)
What happens when you have a budget over 115 million dollars and you only make back 10 million? It kills an entire sub-genre and nearly kills your career as a bankable star, that’s what happens. Cutthroat Island was a swashbuckling film starring Gina Davis as a pirate looking to find three pieces of a treasure map. Unfortunately for her, not too many people were interested in finding buried treasure. This is one that can’t be completely blamed on producers or actors. Films like Hook captured the imaginations of audiences in the early nineties. Move to the middle of the decade and the trend shifts quite dramatically. The film is listed as the biggest box office flop of all time according to Guinness Book of World Records. It also killed Gina Davis’ marketability. Her later work in The Long Kiss Goodnight went ignored and she took the opportunity to transition into television. As for pirate films, it was almost ten years before they would make a return to big studio productions. Pirates of the Caribbean returned this classic sub-genre to its former glory. Considering some of the terrible films on this list, it’s a little heartbreaking that this would have the Guinness Record. Then again, when you’re watching terrible movies it’s hard to bring yourself to look for something further down in the toilet bowl.
- Riv
- Amanda